dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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