she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she peed on how many people?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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