My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
