My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
