It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
