fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can't motorboat a personality
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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