I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
