yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
