These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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