Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
