Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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