If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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