Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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