Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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