I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
