I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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