And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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