"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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