I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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