I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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