so explain again why im purple
no
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
