i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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