oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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