he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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