I think I died a long time ago.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize