i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
