Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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