Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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