She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
