I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
