she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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