well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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