I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
