Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
