Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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