alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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