it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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