I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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