The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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