He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
