is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
