69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
