I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
