You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
