If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
