I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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