Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize