You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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