Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
