ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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