Quick, to the slutcave!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
