This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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