Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
