I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
