this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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