ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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