worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
