I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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