Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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