hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
