how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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