2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
