So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Girls should come with a carfax report
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
