I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
