then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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