I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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