At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize