If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
