I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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