well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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