whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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