I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
